Hot Water Showers in Costa Rica

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michael alan's Blog- Do'in Costa Rica - Friday, February 27, 2009

Living in a tourist town in Costa Rica, such as La Fortuna, we obviously run into and meet a lot of foreigners. But why is it ‘us’ Americans (I’m talking the 50 States here), who usually come off as the more stupid of foreign travelers who visit Costa Rica. UGH!

Being from the United States can sometimes be truly embarrassing and that’s without BUSH.

I’m standing in line at our small grocery store to check out and the two guys ahead of me LOOK as if they’re straight out of the ‘Deliverance’ movie- I’m thinking West Virginia, complete with missing teeth…. yeah I said it. How did these guys ever come to be in La Fortuna Costa Rica? These guys couldn’t have looked more out of place if they were on a float at a GAY Pride Parade in San Francisco. They have 2 cans of black beans and some microwave popcorn… I know, a tad strange. We’ll call them, Dumb and Fuckin Dumber. Dumb asks the cashier in a Hillbilly, English drawl that can only be described as ‘inbred-retarded’, “Do ya’ll have some of that there Gatorade or Powerade in this here store?”

Ummm, let’s guess the reaction of the Tica cashier….. EXACTLY, a tacit, ‘I don’t have the foggiest idea what you said.’ Dumb says it again, s-l-o-w-e-r and LOUDER (as if that makes all the difference in the world), “DOOO YAA’LLL HAVE SOME OF THAT THERE GATOORR-AA-DD-EE or POWERRR-ADE IN THIS HERE STORRRE?” Dumb looked at Fuckin Dumber as if he had just cured cancer, he honestly believed this would help her to understand, you know, because she was retarded and all and he appeared to speak her language. Fuckin Dumber nodded like Dumb was his HERO or something. I was thinking, how about buying a toothbrush for God sake.

She smiled again, made the UNIVERSAL face of not understanding and said, “Lo siento, no entiendo.” Looking uncomfortable, Tica was glancing around for some help and actually left to find a co-worker or manager. *You might be wondering why I didn’t intervene? This happened fairly quickly, and it was so surreal, I was like a ‘deer in headlights’ waiting to get run over. I couldn’t shake the thought of what in the HELL were the cast members of Deliverance doing in Costa Rica?

Folks, this is embarrassing- Fuckin Dumber looks at Dumb and actually asks him why she’s talking about Nintendo. Dumb, the obvious brains of the outfit told his partner that he didn’t think that’s what she said. Fuckin Dumber looked perplexed.

I finally chimed in. The drinks in question were not but 3 feet from where they stood, in every flavor imaginable- the only thing missing were flashing lights.

I’ll paraphrase and save you the d-r-a-w-l, but Dumb says to me, “You’d think this being a tourist town and all, they would teach these girls some English.”

Obviously, I mentioned that this being Costa Rica and ALL, they may want to learn some Spanish. Of course, I said this in the nicest of ways (I’m still thinking Deliverance), so Dumb and Fuckin Dumber didn’t even catch the slight. Always one to help out I fellow American, I explained to them, if ever they don’t know what is being said in Spanish, just say, “Yo siento, no Nintendo.”

They thanked me for the TIP and smiled,,,,yikes. I also wanted to tell them that Dental work is done at a very reasonable cost in Costa Rica (insert theme song from Deliverance HERE).

Fuckin Dumber was practicing, “Yo siento, no Nintendo,” as he exited the store.

Luckily for me, I’ve been telling people I’m from Canada ever since I got here 3 years ago… REALLY, it often comes in handy in these trying times.